Friday, December 16, 2011

How do I get rid of my suicide thoughts?

The main reason why I want to kill myself is because of ism. I can't deal with it. It's been bothering me for at least three years now. Today I came across it in school three times. In my Psychology cl, in my Biology cl (women have to give birth and have periods and blah blah), and in my Social Studies cl (women are useless, women should stay in the kitchen, women are machines for producing children and nothing more). Also, my family is ist. Well my grandparents and father anyways. When I was born, my mother (who ped away two years ago from cancer) told me that my grandmother had said this "another girl?!" And when my male cousin was born, she said "finally! A boy! Look, now you guys are left behind because you don't have a male heir!" She said that to my mother. Which is why I hate her. Also, my father and grandparents are putting pressure onmy older sister to get married and have kids soon. Next it will be me. Then when my other female cousin was born (about a year ago) my sister said "I'm SICK of girls! Why can't it be a boy for once?" I hate them all. Sometimes I want to leave them a suicide note to make them THINK I committed suicide, get a gender change surgery, and never seem them again and hope they all suffer. How do I get rid of these suicide thoughts? I have thought about going to a counselor. They don't pity you or anything do they? Like they don't go "oh, I'm SO sorry for you!" I don't want to go to counseling if that's what they'll do. I only have one good friend to talk to about this, but she's been very busy lately with clubs, work, and her boyfriend. I barely get a chance to talk to her. What should I do? How do I get rid of my suicide thoughts? Or is getting a gender change surgery the only way?

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