Husband distant from family?

Your words, "I always feel third in his life, he knows this but it never changes anything".I do not care what excuse your husband has, a married man should not be hanging out at bars and coming home at 4:AM. Your husband is taking advantage of the fact that he has been able to string you along with his excuses, while you sit back and ponder those excuses that enable you to stay in a stage of denial. The truth of the matter is, your husband is not behaving as a loving husband and father should be behaving, and my guess is that he has found a playmate for company in the wee hours of the morning. You have the right to demand this stops. What you do is simply say, "I have foolishly put up with this in the past and am here to tell you that I no longer will put up with your volunteering, your hanging out at the bar and you coming home at an indecent hour". "you as my husband either decide this moment to stop this or it is over". And your actions must back up your words. Sounds mean? No, your husband needs "tough love" to get him back on the right path in his marriage. Otherwise you are making it easy for him to go out and behave irresponsibly.